Five Minute Enterprise Series Finale

By Seema

Author's note:Originally posted here.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns these guys (except for the viewers/audience!), but I gotta say, the fans could have given the intrepid crew of Enterprise a better send-off.


Riker: Wah!
Troi: Is your uniform on too tight too?
Riker: I'm trying to make a career-changing decision
Troi: Hmm... have you tried the holodeck?
Riker: You're a really bad counselor
Troi: I wonder if I can get a gig on Stargate again...

Archer: I rock SO much but I don't want take too much credit on just how much I rock
Riker: Don't mind me, I'm just here as an 'objective' observer
Sato: Bikinis and Brazil, here I come!
Reed: Can I bring guns to the birth of the Federation?
Travis: Can I say something?
All: NO!
T'Pol: Is it quitting time yet?

Riker: Wah!
Troi: Still? Get thee to the holodeck!

Riker: Chopping vegetables is my back-up plan in case that command thing doesn't work out...
T'Pol: I'm the second officer of this ship, but I'm going to sit here and chop vegetables with you
Riker: So whassup with you and Trip?
T'Pol: Still. Not. Doing. It.

Riker: Wah!
Troi: ::sigh::
Riker: Maybe I should fast forward the plot
Viewers: ::sigh::

Archer: Shran! Buddy ol' pal!
Shran: I need your help
Archer: You're supposed to be dead
Shran: It's a long story. Do you mind delaying telling the world how much you rock in order to give me a hand?
T'Pol: This is a Very Bad Idea.
Archer: Shran is my bestest friend
Trip: Hey!
Archer: You're gonna be dead soon. I need a replacement...

T'Pol: I am a science officer, not a jeweler

Travis: Can I say something?
Archer: Just fly the ship
Shran: Don't worry. You'll be on your way to tell people how much you rock in no time at all

T'Pol: This is where I express my deep love for you
Trip: Please, it's been six years
T'Pol: You're going to die
Trip: ...

Shran: Give me my daughter!
Bad Guy: Give me my jewel!
T'Pol: This is my cue to be maternal
Trip: Oh, this isn't when I'm supposed to die? Thanks for saving my life, Cap'n
Archer: I am ARCHER! Hear me roar!
T'Pol: I can't believe I spent 10 years on a ship with this guy...

Riker: Join me on the holodeck
Troi: You have all the bestest ideas. You'll make captain in no time.

Trip: Thanks for dinner, Cap'n
Archer: Anything I can do for a dying friend
Trip: ...
T'Pol: The bad guys are here!
Bad Guys: Give us Shran or else!
Archer: No! He's my bestest friend!
Trip: Despite the fact there are a gazillion security officers on this ship, I'm going to senselessly sacrifice myself because if I can't be
Archer's bestest friend, life's not worth living

Trip: As part of my post-mortem victory lap, I'm here to chop some vegetables
Riker: Finally! You're the person I'm most interested in
Trip: Uh, I like Vulcans.
Riker: I like Betazoids.
Trip: So you're interested in me because...
Riker: Your incredibly illogical death is going to help me make a decision.
Trip: I don't get it
Riker: Me either

T'Pol: I miss you, Trip
Archer: I miss Trip too. Now can I tell the world how much I rock?
T'Pol: ...

Sato: Our seats suck. How come we're in the nosebleed section?
Reed: Where are the guns?
Troi: I'm just going to sit here and stick out like a sore thumb
Travis: Can I say something?
All: NO!

T'Pol: Captain, you look very... rocking
Archer: I'm concerned about taking too much credit for the way I rock
Phlox: Your humility act is getting old, Captain.
T'Pol: Are we done yet?

Riker: I've made a decision
Troi: I've made a decision too. Worf and I...
Audience: Roll that beautiful credits footage!

Montage: Picard! Kirk! Archer! No Sisko? No Janeway? ::sigh::


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